Men’s Group – Would you to consider it? . . .

Let me share with you a few quotes from A Community of Men that are quite meaningful for me… and form the foundation which motivates me to start a men’s group…

“A primary focus of the feminist movement has been to bring forth what is within women in order to save women from the oppression of patriarchy. This salvation has occurred by women gathering to share stories about their experiences as women. In the course of this spiritual work, many women have discovered the center of their being as women and have been empowered and transformed by the discovery…”

“Women and men benefit by searching for and claiming their spiritual center. The goal of such a quest is ‘to bring forth what is within us.’ The quest differs for men and women to the extent that our experiences and stories differ. It is not pursued in isolation as mythic stories suggest, but in relationship with other seekers, women with women and men with men. The path to deeper understandings of humanity begins with our own gender…. Each gender has specific challenges to address in order to bring more sizable resources of personhood to our common table…”

“Patriarchy oppresses men by initiating them into estrangement and alienation from self and others and thus preventing the development of a deep and rooted masculinity. This kind of isolation is well suited to the realities of war and work. Both are competitive environments where self-sacrifice is a celebrated virtue. Because of isolation many men neither possess the skills to bare their souls to each other nor the trust to do so.”

Do these statements resonate with you? They do for me.

I want to start a men’s group with the purpose of discussing issues relevant to men in 2007… to explore and expand on what is generally stated above and to consider other topics (such as those also attached to this email). Would you be interested in joining such a group?

If you’re interested in joining a group that would “explore and grapple with” issues that are relevant to being a man here… today – in our society.. in Maine… I’d really like you to consider joining with me in this endeavor. I’m open to suggestions… in terms of defining exactly what the group would discuss… or do. The extent to which it gets “into personal issues” would be up to the group.

Here is piece of my perspective on being a man… today….

How the expectations for men have changed! My father got away with being the good provider… worked ‘til eight PM every night. Paced nervously in the waiting room until I was born, wringing his hands…

I, on the other hand, had to fight to hold my first born in my arms two hours after she was born… was present and compassionately involved all through labor with the second (a son).

And for my third… I honestly have to ask the question (in retrospect of course)…. Why I needed the services of an obstetrician during the delivery… at all.

But the last 50 years has been time of enormous change for men. Expectations and roles that served us well a few decades ago don’t cut the mustard today. We’ve assumed childcare responsibilities, shared “breadwinner pedestal space” with our spouses… and, in not a few cases, stepped aside and become cheerleaders as our spouses became the lead car on the career racetrack. It has been, for men… a time of enormous transition.

I think women in general have found their stride. I don’t believe men have.. and there isn’t much space or a place for them to go to find it. Work sure as heck isn’t such a place. The football field, the battlefield and competitive life at University isn’t really either.

Men are not the “mavens of relationship maintenance and nurturance” that women are. And they aren’t real good at baring their souls and exposing their weaknesses.

Contrary to popular lore… most men aren’t naturals at Networking. And, if the truth be known… I don’t think many of us spend a lot of time “peering down from our perches of privilege and entitlement at the rest of the world.”

No, closer to the truth is that many men are “lone wolves”…. Who count their wives as their best and oftentimes “only” friend. This is an enormous and unhealthy burden to place on a single relationship.

Any many men I know, myself included, carry burdens of sadness and worry that they dare not share fully with anyone, particularly women or their spouse. But things need to be shared and discussed to be dealt with.

But.. I want to be careful NOT to map my own needs and desires onto a future Men’s group. Let it become a Social Group… a Discussion Group… a Support Group … A Process Group… whatever the will of those who chose to step forward and help in its formation.

My goal is to facilitate the start of a men’s group … However.. I’m neither a “facilitator” nor a group leader… so this could be a bit challenging…. ( I do have experience of being a member of a men’s group and have attended Maine Coast Men’s weekends for two years).

I have briefly discussed the idea of starting a men’s group with a few people… men whom (in my humble opinion) have a special characteristic that marks them as being on … possibly… a similar wavelength and who may have an interest in joining such a group. You are one of those people.

If you are interested in starting a men's group... go to www.uumen.org, go to the FORUM and collect some more ideas . . .